In This Week's Issue: The Dueling Donut
Eaters Return, PJ Piddle is Back with CAMEXIS in his Heart & Loins, POD
Fan Ad of the Week: LiRic, Flynn Fahey Counts Down GH's 50 Most Violent-Free Moments and
POD's Red Letter Days...
The Dueling Donut Eaters:
No Crying. Just
Game!
The
Dueling Donut Eaters: It's Raining Men!"
Whether
dishing, dissin' or just plain dunking, the Dueling Donut Eaters always have a
mouthful. This week they unearth an explosive new development onGeneral Hospital!
Jenna:Eve, we have covered many things here at The
Dueling Donut Eaters. We have shed tears with Alexis
over her baby, we have clanked gongs and channeled our inner splits, and today we have the ultimate pleasure of even
topping ourselves: we get to celebrate her manhood.
Eve:
I salivate at the prospects! We've travelled down many roads with Alexis,
but this one beats all. How will SEXIS overcome this minor, minor snag? I'm
sure Sonny is open minded enough to understand and even embrace his love
for a fellow male. I'm not giving up on my CamSonsandwich!
Jenna:
You know Eve, I really think the true mark of a fabulous Emmy Award contender is this age old right of passage: MAN-HOOD.Nancy
now joins the ranks of her fellow alums; be it performing as one, rumored to be one, or just plain looking like one. Susan,
Eileen,Michelle, please welcome Nancy!
- - Oh, in my excitement I forgot
to channel my male psyche for today's column... (Ah-oooohm.) Allow me to scratch my crotch, quit shaving and dream no longer
of my imaginary husband John Corbett, but instead his big screen co-star Nia Vardalos.
This is very liberating...
Eve:
Liberating indeed! Finally Guza can let loose and tell all the stories he's always wanted to tell with Nancy.
Guza writes better for men anyway, knowing this probably drove him to open up unexplored avenues for this
great talent. Imagine the scene when Alex meets Alexis? Nancy playing opposite herself and possibly becoming
her own love interest may catch on like wildfire. After all, with networks tightening those purse strings, it isn't easy to
find just the right star for your heavy hitters. So why not MAXIMIZE what works? Guza did
just that. We applaud you!
Jenna:Guza has done us all a service. I look at Alexis and
I think of a young Barbara Streisand. Or was it Julie Andrews? For only
the best can pull this off and make you want to raise your fist in victory and yell "Hooowa!" at
your screen. You go boy! Er, girl! Whatever! All this testosterone is making me WILD! I just want to arm
wrestle! I want to slam my beer on the bar, I want to pee with the seat up! Dobson!
I love you! I know that Sonny is just waiting for you. The new super
couple of the new millennium awaits us: Sonny and his cross-dressing
goatee wearing English butler. When Bensonhurst meets Buckingham. My boner is huge... (Chig chug chug, belch!!!)
Eve:
Let me summarize this miraculous gender journey through the written word. Through poetry...this is an original, by the way
(please hold your applause, it's in iambic pentameter and I might lose my rhythm).... Nothing special mind you. Just a lil'
something... *Blushing* But it's close to my heart.
Alex
or Alexis,
neither
is tranny
Camex
is not
no
Jeb-n-granny
Cross
dressing is one thing
Sex
change another
But
you haven't lived
Til'
you've been your own brother
No
longer does Al hear
the
tick of her clock
Baby
'Stina fixed that
in
spite of her...
--shock...
((Pause.))
*Crickets
chirp.*
((Longer pause.))
*Pin
drops*
Til' Next Time !!!!
A Look Back at GH's 50 Most Snuggly Violent-Free
Moments!
Hi, I'm Flynn
Fahey.
Over the years,
GH has become to me as snug as a cardigan, the fabric engrained in my conscious. In the new days of
GH, in which crime and mob mania run amok, I can't help but look back at the GH
of old, and fondly remember the show that focused on family first. So here is a look at 50 most snugly, wuggly
violence-free moments of GH. As you can see, the more things change...
50.
Olivia Jerome escapes mental institution and kidnaps Colton.
49.
Duke shoots and kills Julian Jerome.
48.
Duke succumbs to bullets and dies in Anna's arms.
47.
Dawn and Decker kidnapped, Dawn dies in fire.
46.
Rico rapes Carla Greco.
45.
Rico takes PC citizens hostage.
44.
Carla kills Rico.
43.
Mac escapes from jail after a violent earthquake.
42.
Shortly after Mac arrives, Anna shot on the waterfront.
41.
Robert tries to kill Mac, who is presumed drowned.
40.
Faison poisons Tiffany's drink.
39.
Dominique fakes her death to avoid Leopold.
38.
Leopold commits Dominique to an insane asylum.
37.
Nancy Eckert murdered.
36.
Bill pressured by the cartel to kill Robert.
35.
Harlan shot by Bill Eckert.
34.
Faison kidnaps Anna.
33.
Faison kidnaps Felicia.
32.
Boat explosion leaves Faison, Robert and Anna presumed dead.
31.
Cal Atkins attempts to rape Karen.
30.
Joe Atkins kidnaps Bobbie.
29.
Tony left for dead by Joe Atkins.
28.
Felicia drugged and loses memory.
27.
Felicia stabs Ryan and is sent to institution.
26.
Tracy runs down Jenny with a car.
25.
Ryan beats the hell out of Audrey.
24.
Ryan kidnaps Maxie.
23.
Audrey drilled in the head by PC interns.
22.
Ryan kills attorney Jessica.
21.
Ryan attends Mac and Felicia's wedding with a bomb, threatens all.
20.
Pregnant Lucy carjacked.
19.
Bill Eckert shot and killed.
18.
Alan kills Rhonda's ex, Ray.
17.
Little BJ hit by a drunk driver and killed.
16.
Luke kills Frank Smith.
15.
Pregnant Lily blown up in explosion.
14.
Laura and her infant Lulu are attacked by bullets
13.
Brenda sprayed with bullets in the shower
12.
HIV positive Stone found shot and bleeding by Robin.
11.
Nicholas shot at Luke's club.
10.
Katherine pushed off balcony twice.
9.
Alan tries to kill Monica and Rick.
8.
Pierce Dorman murdered.
7.
Grant Putnam unleashes havoc on Anna and Port Charles.
6.
Robin's grandmother murdered by Putnam. (Robin sees it.)
5.
Liz Webber raped.
4.
Stavros strangles Chloe Morgan.
3.
Kevin O'Connor begins murder spree.
2.
Bobbie physically abused by D.L. Brock.
And...
1. Luke
rapes Laura; a super couple is born!
As you can see,
these warm and treasured moments are what GH is all about. Take that to the bank and cash it, Mr.
Guza.
Till next time,
I'm Flynn Fahey.
POD: Red
Letter Days!
May
12:Alexis contemplates joining the hair club for men.
May
13:Alexis and Cameron get intimate: "Shave my back, I'll shave
yours."
May
14: Kristina bonds with Skye, Alexis is baffled as to why. The Qs yell at Alexis for leaving
the seat up.
May
15:Courtney is shot!
May
16:Cameron is annoyed at Alexis' refusal to ask for directions.
May
19:Alexis' constant belching and farting drives Kristina in Skye's arms.
May
20:Courtney is stalked!
May
21:Alexis' beer gut disgusts Ned.
May
22:Alexis' banana slips out of her pants.
May
23: Courtney is kidnapped!
May
24:Alexis can't resist the temptation to go to the Oasis.
May
25: Alexis suffers from premature ejaculation, considers Viagra.
*************
Fakery Faux Cassadine Style:
Highlights from Dobson's Resume...
"Managing a private residence is like
managing a business and the employer expects the Butler to have all the attributes necessary to manage a successful business.
Of course, the private residence is more personal, familiar and often more demanding. I have the background, ambition and
energy to provide world class service to my employer."
Dobson is English and a legal resident of the US
He's worked for all the BEST American families since the 50's.
Dobson worked steadily through the 70's & 80's
Click for more Butler Candidates...
P.J. Piddle:Cameron & Alexis Make My Loins Burn...
Dear Readers,
Some people ask,"Say
Piddle what do you attribute the recent ratings success of GH to?" And I answer "Quite simply...Camexis" --the hot sultry steaming tantalizing tale of two strong headed sophisticates
trading barbs. Because folks, is there anything HOTTER than barb trading? Especially when it's a veteran
couple 20 years after the fact?
There are so many things that make
me hot for Camexis. When they were in the cabin, I too wanted to venture
into the wilderness and wear plaid. I too wanted to hunt and play on a fiddle and sit by a roaring fire in the company of
Dickens and fine scotch.
Sometimes at night, I dream that
I am Cameron. Other times I dream I am Alexis.
The end result is always the same. Hot, dripping, smelly sex under a full moon! "Oh Piddle, give it to me Piddle!"
That's right! That's right! Spank it! Work it! Share her Mason share her! I mean, er, Cameron!
Yeah, Piddle's yer daddy! The scotch
makes me wild! You churn me like you do butter. Churn baby churn! Yes! Yes! Give me more plaid... Bend me over and...
*We
interrupt this PJ Piddle column from a word from Ms. Kinsley...*
"On behalf of our editors
and advertisers, this week's Piddle column is suspended until further notice. Thank you. You may resume your reading and donut
eating..."
POD:
Advertise Your Campaign Here!
For a low price, tell TPTB how you
feel about your favorite couple!
This week, LiRic fans get serious.
She tattles. He has mother issues. That's not stopping their fans from showing support...
~*~*Norman
and Nellie: Making Gentle Strides One Day at a Time *~*~
Thanks to Lily & Jenna for the pic
*********
Many Thanks!!
To Jenna & Eve, the brains, the beauty and the wit.To
my pals from the EVIL LISTS, the inspiration, the indignation, pictures, art work, ideas and most of all support. To the following
websites for their generous donations of pictures and screencaptures:
And last but at least legends in their own minds, thanks
goes out to the REAL Donut Eaters, they know who they are. This site couldn't exist without their generous
contribution of weekly stupidity.
