You've seen your soap pen the
script, now watch as our editors and resident divas take on YOUR favorite story.
If We Wrote
the Stories!
General Hospital:
Luck runs out for Carly as she goes to prison for child abandonment and is forced to clean toilets with
a toothbrush. We see her twice a week for 60 seconds scrubbing grout and trying to avoid prison's own version of Big Alice, who
likes them young and blonde. In a sad development, it is also discovered Carly has contracted leprosy, and she is cast to
the Molokini Islands in Hawaii, with Zander, who we don't have much use for anyhow...
Sonny gives custody back to AJ. The two make
a truce and become friends. Coffee once a week at
Kelly's, even. Sonny and Mikey make great pals, but he's always quick to remind him that AJ is his real father and not
confuse their relationship with that of father/son. When Mikey asks if he still loves him like a son, Sonny says "no, only
blood ties matter and I have Kristina now".
Sonny finds out about Baby Davis. While bonding with the baby he discovers
his soulmate and soon-to-be lifemate in the woman who's been under his nose all along waiting for him to notice...Alexis.
He romances her and vows to spend the rest of his life earning her love and expanding their family with a house full of little
ones--he believes a proposal and wedding fit for a Queen is the start.
Oh let's not forget about Ned! He has a role
too. He makes a great babysitter to little Kristina when Sonny whisks Alexis away on romantic trips. Sonny is the lucky Dad
who gets to rock the baby to sleep while shirtless, while Ned well... he gets to change the stinky diapers! He's ever so grateful
after all the trouble he caused for Alexis.
Brenda spices up the vets! Everything is a `lil tastier when you just add
Brenda. When she moves into the Quartermaines several longstanding marriages are tested. What starts off as a plot to get
revenge on Skye by "stealing" her father away, ends up in lustful passion between Alan/Brenda. When Monica finds out WATCH
OUT. But it doesn't end there. After a lovers quarrel, Brenda finds herself turning to the arms of elder Quartermaine, Edward.
Lila walks in on their passion and has a nasty spill down the staircase from the resulting horror. Jax sticks by Lila's side
in the hospital, but is platonic concern all there is to his bedside vigil? We see sparks, people. Think Headlines!
Lucky, Luke and Summer really heat things up as it is revealed
that Summer actually is a Laura CLONE planted by Helena. After a fabulous redux of the campus disco rape scene, we watch
as Summer gives Lucky a "rebirth" scene where Luke assists. What will happen with Lucky's umbilical cord gets wrapped around
his neck?
Courtney strikes up a delightful friendship with Alexis and the two help teach each other a thing or two.
Alexis teaches Courtney the ins and outs of the law, and Courtney shows Alexis a thing or two about stripping. Watch out Sonny!
Jax
and Skye reunite after nasty Carly tries to kill Skye before she is alienated from society as a leper. Their reunion is short
lived when Alexis catches the eye of that randy Aussie. A Sonny/Alexis/Jax triangle? We're swooning!
~ P.J. Piddle ~
Hello folks!
Time to dish the happenings at GH. But first, let me start my weekly Sonny voodoo ritual. (Chanting, burning dolls.)
Vedy,
vedy evil man!
Kill the mobster off as fast as you can.
AJ! AJ! He's my man.
Make me busy with my
right hand
Okay. Now that
is over, let's talk AJ!
Whoah, folks.
Was anyone else blown away by AJ's performance on the NYE eppy? When Billy descended the stairs and spoke of gin and women
while lighting a cigarette, I'm telling you, I nearly creamed myself! Days like this, that I wish that I was a GH female.
But of course, they had to kill him off on the episode. So screw you GH! I give the episode a thumbs down. I am so sick of
my boy not winning. It's not like he ever torched a building in an arson attempt, drove his brother into a tree, used and
exploited a young girl to get revenge on Scummy, then crashed that girl into a club in a drunk driving accident, then stalked
her. AJ is no stalker mind you. I'll let you know that! What really happened was that AJ was hiring Coleman to actually protect
her, yeah... that's the ticket.
Here are ten
things I would do with the character of Sonny Corinthos:
1.
Have him crippled.
2.
Set him on fire.
3.
Have him be AJ's butler while crippled and on fire.
4.
Get really fat.
5.
Go blind.
6.
Become AJ's shoe shine boy.
7.
Tar and feather him in Times Square.
8.
Make him dance like a monkey.
9.
Be the real stalker behind Courtney.
10.
Get electrocuted while in the bathtub.
Here are some
letters from fine folks like yourself you are also sick of Sonny being better than AJ:
Dear
Piddle,
Everytime
Sonny calls himself Mikey's daddy I just wanna go set one of those Colorado
wildfires and make threatening bomb threats to hospitals!! Ugggggh. This
makes me so angry!!! How do I release the tension!!!??
MK
Canada
Well
MK,
I
always like go find a neighbors cat, burn it, and then feed it at the local church fair as
tasty kabobs. It is a tremendous source of energy release!
Dear Piddle,
Have you been to Billy Warlock's website yet? Fabulous photos
have been uploaded. Take a look!
Sammy
Texas
Dear
Sammy,
Have
I been there?? Honey, I practically run it. I was just there 13 times last night with some lotion in my hand and (er, um.)
never mind...
Dear
Piddle,
This
Courtney fan wants to know why you are so hard on Courtney? Do you really blame her for leaving her husband for stalking her?
Sarah
Wisconsin
Dear
Sarah,
Obviously
you are an idiot. And no doubt you are probably blonde like that airhead bubblebrain bitch you took off on my boy AJ. Go to
hell you stripping dirty bitch motherf*cker. Go have sex with Jason, I hope you like it! He can't have sex like my AJ! I bet
his penis is the size of his brain cells!!! Okay, folks. That is all the time we have this week. Remember, all of GH's woes
are in Sonny, Jason, Carly and Courtney. And that mean Monica too!
Buh
bye!
Welcome
Baby Davis!
SOD Editors, spectators and supersoapster Nancy Lee
Grahn welcomed Baby Davis in HIGH FLYING style, when a group of Nancy followers made an airborn special delivery of their
own! Immediately after receiving word from Grand Grahn herself of the planned media blitz celebrating Kristina Corinthos via
skywritten message, our editors and camera person RACED to the scene.
The ABC parking lot is a flurry of activity with jugglers, clowns, popcorn/cotton
candy stands, and music all working in tandem to create a circus of sights and sounds. The excited GH cast members slowly
saunter out as Nancy eagerly greets them and tell them where to stand for the best view...
Billy Warlock: Uhhh, can we make this quick? *Tapping watch.* I have
a line to run.
Clown on a unicycle passes. *Honks horn.*
Maurice Benard: No. I don't want a balloonimal.
We
impatiently await the arrival of the rest of the contacted paparazzi, the plane won't ascend until everythings just right!
Suddenly a sound is heard. We're all nostrils and fly-catching orifices, staring into the heavens...for a sign for a....
Alicia:
Shit! No REALLY, Shit, all over my face.
Ingo: We should celebrate the 'gull and her natural refuse that will feed
the land and maybe, one day, be used in place of petrol.
Alicia: *Flings poo at Ingo*
After the interlude we
all return our gazes skyward.
*BBBBBBBbbbbbbZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZzBB*
This is it! There's a collective
"awww" among the SOD staff. In silence we watch with unmitigated joy as each letter is carefully written in a cloud of delicate
pink.
Welcome Baby Davis it says...
There's wild applause and pictures snapped among the SOD staff.
There's another plane! An
ENEMY aircraft. It's clear that the pilot is a Carly fan! Even from this distance we can see her heavily rouged cheeks and
hear a litany of profanity and poorly structured sentences lisped from her toothless mouth.
The skywritten message is
in jeopardy as Davis now bears a harsh red X over it. The crowd gasps! The offending words now obvious:
Surrender Baby
Damien!
We're all horrified, except for those sitting on the hoods of cars making out and tailgating. Nancy and her
fans huddle in despair. To mock such a kind hearted and loving gesture is nothing short of perverse and EVIL.
Just
when we thought wed hit chaos; we found madness. Yet another unidentified flying object emerged from the clouds, A BLIMP!
Apparently a rebel fanbase had staged a coup, overthrowing and outshining the classy Alexis fans and the Evil Carly fans.
After reading the banner, it was no secret who motivated this subterfuge
Free Mikey! the banner waved in large black
letters.
A renegade group of AJ fans had colluded with the Leticia Lovers and decided to bond over their mutual goal.
*Sigh*
And
that's how it ended.
Sodom and Gomorrah. Everywhere
you turned there were actors beer bonging, young actresses putting on shows for the security cams and random studio tourists,
popcorn strewn about, clowns crying, the sky full of smeared colored smoke and garbled words. A large ugly bloated blimp just
hanging there to mock us all.
