|
Best Supporting Actress: There
really is no comparison. Katherine Lang, decent. Julia Barr, always good. Vanny? Zzzz. Rebecca Budwig? Maybe next year. Tamara?
As if. Finola, you wish. Our award hands down goes to Nancy Lee Grahn, for her stunning performance as a hyperventilating
reborn virgin/stalker. Never has a sexually-challenged frump been so captivating than as Alexis wooing Sonny. The ability
to web him into her feminine weave leaves us breathless and wanting more. You go girl! Sonny is the foo, fool!
In Honour
of the SOD Awards On April 5th, 2003:
If WE Chose
the Awards...A POD Reprint!
Best Actor:
While the field is really competitive this year, we feel GH's Maurice Bernard stood out among the pack. Coupled with his best
partner ever in NLG, he was lifted to great heights not seen since they parted ways. We remember fondly his stunning work
while telling Alexis to "breathe" (classic!) Don't forget his realistic portrayal as a geriatric senior during his sizzling
love scene with Alexis. Sadly, we no longer like him or Sonny since he was ripped from the deserving arms of our mentor and
cuddlekins Alexis, but we hope one day he will return to full glory without that BLONDE at his side.Here's hoping this award
will encourage him to vocalize support for that!
|
|
GH GETS THE NOD IN KEY CATERGORIES!!!
Best
Younger Actress: Neglected actress carefully utilizing fan support to promote a pairing of her choice?
Showing vocal displeasure in story and encourage support for a highly sought after actor? Hmm, sounds like the right way to
get your character a story. So kudos to Rebecca Herbst for making all of us proud. What better way to get what you want! When
all else fails, use your fans! Or send us cookies. Or make us your child's godmother. Rebecca, come on. You're only reaching
the rim here!
It's JUST
My Opinion
Hello opinionaters. Grab your milkshakes
and bon bons, it's time to talk soaps.
Is it me or does All My Children focus way too much on looks? This whole female
bonding "Sex in the City" knockoff makes me long for the days of marmish Dixie and Liza sparring over their men. Yawn, wake
me when dinner is served.
|
| "Where the 80's are ALIVE!" |
Over at OLTL, oh my God, oh my God! I heard
Star say the funniest thing the other day. (Pause) What was it? Wait. Shoot, I forgot. I should just cut and paste the transcript. Our
Fan Base of the week award
goes to those darling Nora fans that keep my girl number 3 on the poll every 5th week. You go girls! (Chomp Chomp) Shhh, I
won't be printing this week's poll results because she came in a disappointing 17th. Here's hoping that the sexy and dynamic
Ms. Smith will soon be catapulted to the top where she belongs, with bevies of young men! Honestly folks, does it GET better
than Nora?
Speaking of sexy and sultry 40+ female attorneys,
over at GH Alexis is once again knocking MY socks off. (Chomp!Chomp!) When Brenda recanted her story under hypnosis, my eyes
were riveted on Alexis' bravado performance as background fodder. Look GH, it's time to lose the Carlys, Brendas and Skyes
of the show and give that prize pig Sonny back to darling Alexis. Is it really too much to ask? How many FREAKING letters
do I have to print for you guys to get the hint? Here's a sample! (Giving you my middle finger.)
"It's Just My Opinion: but GH hasn't been the same
since they split up Sonny and Alexis. I don't care if I have to vote until I am older and grayer, I still will! So bite me
GH! Sexis baby in 2024!"
"It's Just My Opinion: Sonny has a right to know about his child. And what better way for
him to do it than have him declare his love to the
highly sexual and fascinating Alexis for whom his soul burns?"
A few readers have expressed concern over
my lack of objectivity while serving as editor here. Let me assure you, nothing could be further than the truth. For instance,
just the other day I got a fascinating letter that said that GH's Carly has a big fat head. Now, personally I don't think
GH's Carly has a big fat head. But because I am "OBJECTIVE" I have no problem accepting that YOU might think she does and
I printed the letter in last week's column in good conscious. So really folks, no worries okay?
Okay, moving on. Hey Luke and Laura fans,
quit writing me. I don't give a crap if I told you to go f*ck yourselves in my last column. I happen to LIKE Summer and Luke
so there. Genie once refused to spare a square in the ladies room, when I crapped myself at the SOD awards 6 years back and
I STILL haven't forgiven her. Ever try to remove feces from pantyhose? It ain't fun!
Oh and Liason fans, getting a bit sick of
the giant Valentine's day box of chocolates you keep sending the staff here. While the chocolate was predictably delicious
such gestures and attempts of buttering us up ONLY work if you are 40+. Don't think you are. Try again.
What column would be the same without Carly bashing,Tamara bashing, and all around
S&C immaturity? Geez, how else would you all read me? I aim to please & infuriate! Here we go! :
"From QBoyLover of Toledo Ohio:
"Carly is
a dirty skank who should eat a cookie. Played by a useless nobody whose image I use on my voodoo doll every night. Watch out Tamara, I am watching you!"
From CarolynH
of Manhattan NY:
"Time to get rid of Carly now. Despite widespread fan support, talent, chemistry with everyone, wonderful
relationship with cast and crew, she just doesn't "get" Alexis, and that is just not good enough for me. Hate the skank! She
went too far when she killed Sorel and was Alcazar's mistress! Ugggh, hand my my Breyers ice cream NOW!"
You know
folks, these sentiments are widely shared across fans. The writers made a big mistake thinking we would root for someone who
would make jokes about eating frozen cookie dough. Sometimes it can be an addiction, and it does require a little sensitivity.
Hey, it's JUST my opinion.(Gulp...slurp)
|
 |
|
Best Plot Twist: Alexis
and Sonny have sex, who knew? We were certainly stunned when Alexis' stalking managed to land her the hottest man in PC. Who
would have thought after a thousand billable hours, 17 fantasies, 35 hot flashes, 123 conversations about ambiguous feelings,
54 breathing exercises, 251 press releases about the couple, 22 magazine covers, 511interviews with NLG re: her feelings about
Sexis, and hints to have HIS BABY ON A ONE NIGHT STAND would EVER lead to them doing the deed??? We are still stunned!!! Somethings
are so ORGANIC and NON CALCULATED! Kudos to GH for fooling us!
Supporting Actor: Our
vote goes to NOT Steve Burton but (INSERT OTHER NOMINEE HERE) .It has nothing to do with his making fun of the sex act of
a pairing we like, or calling it disgusting. Nothing at all. We just err like (BLANK) better. Steve Burton is good, but he
could polish up his skills a bit.
*****STAR STYLE*****
How
do Daytime celebs relax? We spent the day with Nancy Lee Grahn, massaging one another's tired dogs and painting our pretty,
pretty, pretty toes. Allow Polly Flinders to tell you Nancy's secret to Neat Feet.
Polly: First off Nancy let me commend you on bravely baring you pups. Many women find feet
to be the most unsightly part of the human anatomy, but I think our readers will see from our 8 page "Nancy: Kiss My Feet"
pictorial that is hardly the case with YOU!
Nancy: You are too
too kind, Polly. Really its amazing what a team of paid professionals and a manicurist-turned-SOD-journalist-intern can accomplish.
I'm merely the vessel through which their great artistry is expressed... oh... you..missed a spot and there's a smudge.
Polly:
I did? Oh that smudge. Estee Lauder's Aruba Red does tend to smear. This is what I mean ladies. While you might be using the
finest brands it may be troublesome
when you have a slight smudge where that annoying puddle of nailpaint gathers in the crusty recesses of hardened dead skin layers and yellowing nails. Fortunately for Nancy,
this Polly Flinders came equipped *thunk* with my beauty trunk.
Nancy:
Mmmm...I thought that I'd enjoy healthful snacks while we "beautify" our 10 lil' piggies.
Polly:
Well, when you count mine, that makes 20 piggies Nancy.
Nancy:
Huh? Oh sure. Yeah. When we get to yours. Oh! Watch that corn!
Polly:
And she doesn't mean on the cob, folks! Nobody likes to admit that tough almost bone-like potrusion exist on our danties,
but sometimes the years take their toll and show themselves on our bodies like thousands of concentric rings of a tree trunk.
Luckily I have this! *Shwing!* This thing shaves, slices, dices like a zephyr through butter, brought to you by the people
who made Ginsu... its...
Nancy:
*Face blanches* ARE YOU INSANE? Are you a manicurist or a BUTCHER?
Polly: Look here Nancy! *Waving Ginsu De-Corning Knife* I've been painting your 10
damn fat hoggies for an hour now with the smell of wet doghair wafting through my nostrils. Yeah, that's it... RUN RUN!RUUUUNNN...
*Steadies breathing*
WEll..wasn't that Informative and Relaxing! Until next time!
This is Polly Flinders!
 
Back Issues of The Digesting Donut Eaters' POD/POW:
The D.D.E's Rate The Emmy Nominations
The Donut Eaters: The Long Good Bye
POD/POW:The Donut Eaters-- Exclusive
POD/POW: The Return of the Dueling Donut Eaters
POD/POW: The Donut Eaters---Up A Tree!
POD/POW:The Dueling Donut Eaters...SPLIT?
POD/POW: The Donut Eaters
POD/POW: Donut Eaters Digest
POD/POW:The Dueling Donut Eaters!!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
THUMBS UP/THUMBS DOWN
Thumbs up: Summer Loving, we're
having a blast!
It may be dead winter but Summer sure heats things up! Kudos to GH for scoring bigtime
with the sizzling girl swap story between Luke and Lucky. Who is the genius who thought of this concept? Dad, son, and the
hooker who loves them has us captivated and on the edge of our seats. Played by the breathtakingly realistic & voluptuous
Brittany Powell, GH has a winner in the story of a reformed hooker walking the life once led by GH's beloved Laura. Can't
wait to see her mingle with Scotty. Hey, let's get David Hamilton, Rick and Stavros back from the dead so they can fuss over
her too!
Thumbs
Down: Ye have little Faith...
Fans are abuzz about the new relationship between Faith and Ned, but
we are not buying. The sexual aspect is too much and clearly a slap in the face to the organic and mind-stimpulating relationship
he had with Alexis. Sex is not everything you know!
Thumbs Down: With friends like these...
Carly
and Courtney's friendship is a flop with us. We have trouble imagining that skank ho b*tch Carly could ever maintain a friend,
much less one of Courtney's sweetness. We don't see why Tamara, er, I mean, Carly would enjoy a sibling vibe when other more
worthy actresses are neglected and mourning THEIR lost siblings. Doesn't seem fair to us!
Thumbs Up: She's got legs! Knows
how to use them!
Brenda's hypnotizing scene made for some great tv. But not for Vanessa's waterworks
but for some GREAT background material! Smart and savvy Alexis stunned us with her random blinking. At one point, when her
mouth hung open just a bit as Brenda recanted her tale, we were floored. Always a phenomenal performer, NLG took our breath
away as she reacted in the background of Brenda's scene. And with gams like hers, who needs Vanny!?
Thumbs Up: Standing up for Single Moms!
We applaud Alexis for ripping away Ned
from the life of her newborn child. Single moms everywhere should be so proud! Ned is an interloper in this story and has
gone too far! Someone page Sonny. We need him to learn about the baby now! Please! No really, please! Don't make us take out
an ad!
|
|
|
When
SOW reached deep into the MailBag we found something we didn't expect!
Looks like those Liason fans are at it again, first poetry books, and now a HUMAN ear LOL. Liz
fan VanGoGo from Paris, Texas says "Stupid Guza doesn't hear me so now I can't hear them! Take that Guza! Take that. We want
Jason/Liz and we will not be ignored." Well, SOW's MailBag heard you loud and clear Van Go Go, after last week's homage to
Lord Byron we'd say that Liz isn't the only artist among our savvy readers.
AJ fans, taking
their cue from the attention-hogging Liason-ites, sent us this roaming device to keep track of what's yours in case it ends
up in your brother's bed. YIKES, AJ fans. We'll certainly pass this useful techie toy on to him.
What's
this? It's a check for $1,000 made out to C.H. from AncyN Arhng. This confusing note is made from pasted newsprint letters
and reads, "If you divide this amount by the price of a stamp it will equal the number of letters you've received on behalf
of outing Kristina as Sonny's baby, do we understand each other?" Hysterical. You guys keep me in stitches. Like SOW accepts
bribes! *Pocketing check.* But you fans are passionate and that's why MailBag is here. To get your voice heard.
Well, that's the latest and the greatest. Keep those campaign letters and gifts coming!
|
|
|
