Is Vanessa Returning? Nancy L. Grahn takes a stand: "War with Iraq is Whack!"
Getting to Know... Rick Hearst! Dueling Donut Eaters' take on Carly's Victimization of Ric! GH
Week End Recap! Steve Burton: "Additional Things That Piss Me Off..."
VANESSA'S COMEBACK!!!
(We'll let you know!)
Dueling Donut Eaters:Roofies or Roses? That Is The Question!
Get your donuts,
folks. This week Dueling Donut Divas, Jenna and Eve will review Ric and Carly's explosive and shocking night together! Could
this be the end of Sonny and Carly and the beginning of the Sexis family? We think so.
Eve:
So Jenna, what did you think of Ric and Carly last week? It looks like ABC is pushing
the envelope with this duo when they incorporated kinky role-playing and experimentation into their night of passion. Some
affiliates complained to GH brass that they were a bit nervous that the audience wouldn't "get" that roofies could actually
be a sex facilitator and not necessarily a RAPE drug. It's a shame when these labels get thrown around. That tramp Carly being
a victim is laughable and GH didn't need much assistance in getting viewers to see that she clearly enjoyed Ric's company
that evening. Also, let me heap some praise on that acting domino Rick Hearst! He was a master puppeteer the way he manipulated
Carly's head and body to give the appearance of responding to his advances. It was almost like she was conscious! Finally
Tamrah Brain came through with a believable and subdued performance. Her eyelids didn't even flutter. I got a chuckle when
Ric put a mirror under her nose to check for "breathing." I was moved when Ric lifted Carly's hand to his cheek, and cheered
when her hand immediately slammed back down on the bed like lead. Very realistic. Neither broke character and the passion?
WHITE HOT.
Jenna:
Earth to Eve! Hellooo. How could you possibly overlook the realistic drool coming from Carly's mouth? That was a clear indication
of her mouth-watering desire to sex Ric up in a big way.And then that groaning that she pretended was a snore? Please. We
know that was a wild cry of passion. See, this is why I can't get behind the character of Carly. She is always wrecking her
own life,and this blatant manipulation of Ric makes me ashamed to be a woman. Poor Ric, he'll have to go about town now with
one of those fuzzy circles on his face like they use to protect rape victims on Court TV. Her sordid seduction of Ric makes
me wish they would give Sonny to someone more deserving. Like Alexis.
Eve:
Can't argue with you on the Alexis front. However, I'm not so sure that Sonny should just get Alexis; he should work for her
first and maybe endure some verbal burns from Cameron. Also, the fans are heavily campaigning for a threesome. Says AlexisGetsMeHot via the Internet, "Why should Carly and Ric have all the fun! Slip Sonny
a roofie and plant him in Alexis and Cameron's flannel sheets!" After Ric/Carly last week? You won't hear an argument from
me! Got that Guza? The FANS demand it!
Jenna:
Eve, please don't tease me. You know the idea of a Cameron/Alexis/Sonny triangle makes my toes curl. I keep as my homepage
on my computer a digitally enhanced photo from POD that has Jax/Brenda/Jason replaced with Cameron/Alexis/Sonny.
Honestly, right now the way ABC runs things, it would never happen. Sexist, ageist, biased against couples over 40, ABC really
has sunk to new lows. Alexis is the spark plug that Sonny needs. What is more compelling than a brooding hot mobster and his
pathological schizophrenic murdering mistress? Feel the love. I sure do. Now that Brenda is gone, whorish, roofie-loving Carly
doesn't stand a chance against our girl.
Eve:
I really take issue with GH's bias against mature couples. People over 40 do have sex! Where are Lila/Edward's passionate
moments? Alexis/Cameron? Come on I just know they're playing 'Me Tarzan! You Shrew!' in the boudoir. Now why aren't we seeing
these passionate moments regaled in the same splendid fashion as Carly/Ric or Sonny/Alexis?
This ought to put a smile on
your face, Jenna. Word is that Carly develops a nasty addiction to roofies and that Mikey accidentally ingests them. Hope
this rumor pans out! How long have Donut Eaters championed A.J. as the best parent for Mikey? Sonny may be slightly annoyed
at losing Mikey, but finding out about Kristina could be just the soothing balm he needs to cure his down mood. The added
bonus of a lifetime connection to Kraaazzzy Alexis should put a skip in his step.
Jenna:
All this talk of a Sexis family reunion brings an issue to mind. I hope we have enough Reunite Sexis letters to print this
week for our issue. I only got one from Suzie in Topeka who says "Please tell Sonny he is the father of this baby so Sexis
can reunite". Problem is, I just printed 17 of her last letters, so it could be a repetition problem. I'm getting bored of
printing the whiney Liz/Jason letters over and over and over as well. However, gotta look at the end game right? Maybe eventually
our favorite and more preferred couples will reunite if we publish them. Oh well. Another day. By the way, you um...gonna
eat that? (Eyeing donut)
Eve:
Yeah, I'm gonna eat that. Gonna eat that half that's in your hand too and the sprinkles scattered around your chair!
*Jenna and Eve both dive for
last donut and bump heads*
In
unison: OUCH!!!
Intern:
MAIL! Hey? Is that a donut? (Grabs last one.)Thanks!
POD:
Week End Recaps-General Hospital
Sonny
Kisses Brenda!
After having a massive argument
over Journey, Sonny kisses Brenda. Brenda overhears Sonny and Carly arguing and asks Sonny if Journey usually makes them fight.
Sonny fears another Journey argument will erupt so before another word is spoken he kisses Brenda. Carly witnesses the kiss
knowing that Sonny was angry about Journey. Convinced Sonny is so upset about Journey he will leave her and start a life with
Brenda, Carly misses her club's opening and drowns her sorrows at Jake's. After scraping Journey Rules in the wood tabletop
and toasting Journey's love, she downs a roofie-laced drink. Meanwhile Sonny goes to Lily's grave to reflect on Journey. He
decides to find Carly to tell her his thoughts about Journey that he just reflected on.
Jax Calls Off His Wedding!
Jax learns from Carly about the
kiss, and more importantly that Sonny is keeping Journey apart. Jax is distraught that Brenda would look at, let alone, KISS
a man that would rip Courtney so cruelly from Jason. Brenda is mortified, but completely understands where Jax is coming from.
She implores his forgiveness, knowing it is futile, and that she may as well leave town for kissing the lips of someone who
"downs" Journey.
Carly and Ric Have Sex!
Carly hopped up on roofies grows
more and more disoriented. She hallucinates that today is Journey's wedding day instead of Jax and Brenda's. Upon seeing her
condition, Ric decides to use her confused state to his advantage and takes her to the nearest motel. Ric and Carly "role
play" the Journey Honeymoon.
Sneak Peek: Courtney Kidnapped!
Sonny finds an unconscious half-dressed
Carly, (he wonders if she's seen Courtney.) Jax says goodbye to Brenda on his way to save Courtney. Alexis splits into yet another personality leaving PC citizens chanting "will the Real Courtney
Matthews please stand up!"
Getting to know...Rick
Hearst!
POD:
Rick, welcome, thanks for sitting down with us.
RH:
My pleasure.
POD:
Hey, the fans love you. How are you enjoying GH so far?
RH:
Oh, it's great. I really love it. A wonderful cast of total professionals...
POD:
Right. Like Nancy Lee Grahn?
RH:
Er...sure, yeah...
POD:
Remember... R-r-remember when you guys were in court together?
RH:
(Pause) Um... (Smiles) I'm trying to remember, was that some time back?
POD:
I really loved that. You must have loved it too.
RH:
Yeah, of course. Uh...
POD:
I really loved seeing you two in bed together.
RH:
(Pause) ...in bed? Do you mean, Carly in bed with me?
POD:
(Shudder.)
RH:
What's the matter?
POD:
Please don't say that name.
RH:
Oh, I'm sorry. Is there a problem?
POD:
(Holding up hand.) We try to avoid that name around here. Please stop.
RH:
(Pause) Ooookay...
POD:
So besides Nancy, who else is your favorite co-star?
RH:
I, um...I suppose I shouldn't say Tama-
POD:
Please, no. (facial ticks)
RH:
Rebecca Herbst is great, nice girl.
POD:
Nice girl, awful fans. Yeah, we hate them too.
RH:
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, that's not very nice. I've gotten some great letters from Liz fans. They seem wonderful...
POD:
No. We hate them as much as S&C fans and are quite frank about it in the press. It's the POD Spirit.
RH:
I guess I am confused...
POD:
Look buddy, I'll make this easy for you. It doesn't matter how many good letters you get, it's the Nurse Bettys you look out
for. See, look here (Opens drawer.) Here are a small stack of wacky fan letters we get from fan bases that annoy us, `kay?
So when they do something on the Internet that bothers us, or we hear a bad story about them from our POD spy-wannabes, we
go ahead and publish the Puppy Killer letters. See what I am saying? All it takes is some clever headlining, pointed questions,
letter publishing, we know how to work it...'been doing it for years. Like I said, it's the POD Spirit.
RH:
Wow... That's uh...
POD:
Brilliant, I know. Donut?
RH:
Thanks, but no. You do know that you're still recording this?
POD:
D'OH!
Steve
Burton: "Things that Piss Me Off"
Steve Burton got
people riled up in the last few weeks with his candid opinions, this week POD exposes even MORE controversial thoughts of
his. When we contacted him to share more opinions he had lots to say on a variety of subjects. Take a look:
Cameron:
"What's the deal with him? He needs to take a big ole crap."
Lila:
"It is such a ****ing pain in and ass to wait around for GH to wheel her out. I suggest they just kill her, the character
that is."
AJ:
"He is a loser. He should clean toilets for a living. Total waste."
Ric:
(Mocking) "Oooh look at me, I play the guitar!"
Carly:
(Circling finger around head.)
Liz:
"Stalker psycho loser! Get a job!"
Alexis:
(Doubles over laughing.)
Zander:
"Why is he still on this show? I hate him. He threatens my existence."
Luke:
" Zzzzzzz"
Summer:
"Nice jugs."
Jax:
"Time to come out of the closet, dude."
Nick:
"See above."
Lucky:
"Which one? They all suck."
Alan:
"He has an appetite for life!"
Courtney:
"She is retarded- but the wife likes her..."
Faith:
"What's with the forehead?"
Plastina:
"ET Phone home!"
Ned:
"Looks stupid in leather pants."
Sonny:
"Now HE I like!"
~Non related GH subjects~
Puppies: "Overrated." War: "Cool." Holidays: "...are stupid." The View: "Kill them, now." Soaps: "...are stupid." Women's Voting Rights: "I don't see the point." Soap Fans:
"...are fat." The Red Cross "...is stupid." The
Emmys "I'm gonna win. Straight up."
As always, we look
forward to hearing from readers on their thoughts of Mr. Burton's always-controversial opinions. Stay tuned!
~Nancy
L. Grahn: "War with Iraq is WHACK!"~
With a growing sense
of protest in the prospect of going to war with Iraq, POW was happy to welcome actress and social activist to once again use
our publication to promote well intended social causes. Nothing says free speech like a politically charged actor! From ageism,
jury voting, women's weight issues, to telling others to get out and vote there is no stopping this gal! Martin Sheen and
Sean Penn, watch out!
POW:
Thanks for sitting down with us Nancy.
NLG:
You're welcome.
POW:
So what are your thoughts on Iraq?
NLG: It's
whack. It's crazy. I don't think the US understands or respects the world's views.
POW:
For instance?
NLG:
Like Canada for instance. They and their partners Germany & Belgium should be considered and respected. Canada has been
a valued ally for years and a major world power. We liberated them from Hitler years ago, ya know. They are our friends. We
need to treat them like that.
POW:
(Pausing.) Do you mean, France?
NLG:
Who?
POW:
France. Not Canada.
NLG:
Oh, I thought they were the same.
POW:
What about England? Thoughts?
NLG:
Prime Minister Annan is really being a pisser.
POW:
Do you mean, Blair?
NLG:
Linda Blair? You're confusing me.
POW:
No. Tony Blair.
NLG:
The head of the UN?
POW:
Who's on First?
NLG:
What?
POW:
I was kidding.
NLG:
Are we done yet?
POW:
No. I am supposed to ask you about humanitarian efforts in the Middle East, food for oil programs, and the growing risk of
North Korea.
NLG:
Oh, yes, North Korea. That is the country that we protested against in the 60's. Woodstock man. It's like Korea all over again.
POW:
That was um, Vietnam.
NLG:
Good Morning Vietnam ---great movie.
POW:
I think that is all the time we have for now...
NLG:
Oh, that was easy. Email me! Buh bye!
Join us next week
as Ms. Grahn takes on the proposal of the 35 cent postal stamp. Watch out, folks, it's your wallet they are after!
POD/POW Poll:It's Better When You Roll
Your Own!
With shrinking daytime casts,
it seems coupling our fave stars is becoming more and more challenging. Thanks to daytime's creative scribes for the inspired
pairings of B&B's Bridget/Ridge, Y&R's Victor/Sharon, and the white-hot triangle of GH's Georgie/Lucas/Maxie. Soap
writers have tiptoed around the issue of upbringing and opened up new romantic avenues for current faves! Now it's your turn
POD readers, to redefine the boundaries of long-time faves. Vote in POD's "Roll Your Own"
poll. (Results to be posted next week.)
Back Issues of The Digesting Donut Eaters' POD/POW:
