An
Exclusive Look At Vanessa'sContract Demands!Editor's ChoiceWeek of 2/17/03! Joe Millionaires' Zora: "I only went for
the food!" Exclusive Excerpts from POD's Interview w/Tamara
Braun! Our Special Roll Your Own Poll
Results. Letter from the Editor:Please Come Back,Vanessa!Word Association
with Steve Burton!
VANESSA'S CONTRACT !!
The Contract Vanessa Turned Down!
A source on the General Hospital
set provided POD with exclusive snippets of the contract Vanessa Marcil refused to sign. Due to the sensitive
nature of the material below, POD only revealed the less antagonistic segments. We applaud Marcil's ability
to cut through the legal bull and make her needs known! Vanessa's comments are marked in red. See for yourself the tyranny
under which ABC's beleaguered stars labor!
1) Except as provided hereafter,(UMmmmm...hereafter?
I thought we settled this. Brenda is ALIVE. Duh!)in this section, when a transaction bears (lions
and tigers. Oh my! Har har! Joke guys. Just a joke,)a reasonable relation to this state and also to another
state or nation the parties(look the panties stay, k? The state and nation will just have
to "bear" it)may agree that the law either of this state or of such other state or nation
shall govern their rights and duties. Failing such agreement this Act applies to transactions bearing an appropriate relation
to this state.(Transactions? Is this about selling my panties on Shop The Soaps? Cuz I'll
do it. For a percentage.)
Rights of creditors against
sold goods. Section 2-402. (I already said my goods can be sold on Shop
The Soaps. Just cut me in.)
Applicability of the Article
on Bank Deposits and Collections. Section 4-102.(Bri and I have this swiss bank account
for funds that are less that kosher...just sayin')
Governing law in the Article
on Funds Transfers. Section 4A-507. (Sure, Fund Transfers, money orders, personal check...we take it all)
Bulk sales(Huh? No bulk on this bod) subject to the Article on Bulk Sales.
Section 6-103.
Note: If an actor adopts
the repealer of Article 6 Bulk Transfers (Bulk Transfers? What R U tryin' to say? Is this
cuz I had a baby. I'm a MOM Ok?) there should not be any item relating to bulk transfers. (Your bulk talk is pissing me off)
If, however, the stated
adopts (Adoption? Whoa. You just hate mothers don't you?!!)Revised Article 6-Bulk Sales(I would NEVER sell my child over some pregnancy pounds!!)then this line relating to bulk sales should be included.
Perfection provisions of
the Article on Secured Transactions. Section 9-103.(That's what this is about, you just
look at the outside and expect perfection)
(1) The remedies provided
by this Act shall be liberally administered to the end that the aggrieved party may be put in as good a position (A good position? Is this a soap or a porno? It's gonna cost ya) as if the other party
had fully performed but neither consequential or special nor penal damages(I always perform
at parties and haven't seen a single case of penile damage yet. Not on my watch! *Wink*)may be had except
as specifically provided in this Act or by other rule of law.(You're kidding? That shit's
legal? *Phew*)
(2) Any right or obligation
declared by this Act is enforceable by action unless the provision declaring it specifies a different and limited effect.(There's nothing limited about my effect, got it?)
Vanessa and ABC were unable
to come to terms and as a result she decided not to renew with General Hospital. POD will keep readers updated
on the latest goings on of VM's career.
POD: Letter from the Editor--Re: Vanessa Marcil
Dear Readers,
Hope you are cuddled nice and snug
here in the twilight of winter solstice. Nothing like a cup of spiked cinnamon enriched eggnog to keep your toes warm as you
watch hours of soaps. Good times. Mother nature sure has been wild this year. And speaking of wild, it's time for POD to address one of the biggest problems in soaps right now. The loss of Vanessa
Marcil.
Each week I receive letters from
folks just like you, who are enraged, hurt, flabbergasted and distraught that "The Most Beautiful Girl in the World" is leaving
General Hospital. Here at POD we are absolutely besides our selves. I
apologize for using such blunt language but my spiked eggnog is giving me bed spins. Anyhow, times are tough here at POD. And we need as much financial support as we can. Vanessa is an actress that we have
masterfully incorporated as a commercial and economic draw. Let's face it folks, her ass sells magazines. Oh my gosh. I am
so sorry; I am speaking in slurs at this point.
Each week we delight in seeing letters
from folks just like you about how upset you are too that GH is letting her go. Here are some letters:
Dear
POD, I
am beyond pissed! How could GH not value Vanessa enough to cut the cast and crew down to 5 to accommodate her?
***********************************
Dear
POD, obviously heat and hot water are not as high a priority as keeping Vanessa. What gives?
***********************************
Dear
POD, slashing the health care benefits of its staff and crew is a small price to pay for giving Vanessa what she wants. Smarten up GH!
I couldn't agree more ladies. Raise
the roof. Bring it on. Snaps in the Z formation, yo! Oh my, I am truly getting buzzed at this point. I feel like Virginia
Wolf. The Hours. Great movie. Good times.
Till next week
Flynn Fahey
Sitting
Down with...Tamara Braun
POD
has an exclusive look at the interview you have all been waiting for. Here are the excerpts...
POD:
Donut?
Braun:
No thanks. (Smiles.)
POD:
You could use a donut...or a cookie?
Braun:
That's okay. I already ate.
POD:
So thanks for sitting down with me.
Braun:You're
welcome. I like your posters.
POD:
Thanks. Those are my 80's are Greaties posters. Trucker and Tricia. Nina and Cliff.
Braun:
They're very nice. I especially love the Tina/Cord one.
POD:
So. That whole POD award things, phffft. Those wacky fans. No hard feelings right?
Braun:
Of course not.
POD:
I mean, you have lots of fans, but honestly, the contingency of Julia Barr fans out there is insurmountable. They can't be
ignored.
Braun:
(Smiles.)
POD:
So, wanna know why I hate your character?
Braun:
(Frozen smile) Okay...
POD:
She's always cheating on Sonny. What a skank...
Braun:
Um...
POD:
I mean, sleeping with Zander. Hiding out with Alcazar for four years, and sexually assaulting Ric. I mean, how I am supposed
to like you?
Braun:
Well hold on a minute. None of those things happened...
POD:
Next question, how do you sleep at night knowing that Carly is separating Sonny from his true love Alexis and their love child
Kristina?
Braun:
(Spitting out coffee.)
POD:
I take it you have no answer?
Braun:
(Speechless.)
POD:
Have you thought about leaving GH, maybe go to Port Charles?
Braun:
No, I can't say I have...
POD:
Because I know a casting director there, I could get you a job...
Braun:
(Nodding.)You want me off the show huh?
POD:
No. I just think you would be better over there. You know, hanging out with the vampire guy.
Braun:
Well I like GH, I think I am going to stay.
POD:
Now that Vanessa Marcil is gone, will you feel personally responsible if ratings decline?
Braun:
No.
POD:
Do you miss being paired with your true love Zander?
Braun:
I love working with Chad but I'm not sure that Carly...
POD:
Do you lose sleep over what you did to Tony and Bobbie?
Braun:
Do I? No. Maybe Carly but...
POD:
Why won't you give Mikey to AJ?
Braun:
Well it's complicated but Carly IS the mother...
POD:
It must hurt you that Alexis had Sonny's baby first.
Braun:Okay. You know what? I really don't
like these questions.
POD:
(Rolling eyes.) Oh Tamara. Booo hooo. I'm so sorry I offended you. Maybe you should have had a donut.
Braun:
What is your problem?
POD:
(Mumbling under breath) Diva!
Braun:
(Loking over shoulder.) Who is that person smeared against the window?
POD:
That's just Eve.
Braun:
Why is she making faces at me?
POD:
She hates you too.
Braun:
This interview is over.
POD:
See ya.
(Jenna whips out her trusty laptop...)
~~EvesDropping~~
One popular
West Coast recast normally comes across as sweet and friendly, but some of our staff have a different story. Turns out the
blonde sweety can show fangs when it comes to defending her character. Honey, it's only a soap. Diva!
Editors' Choice:~Life Is But A Journey~
Often times in soaps we are used
to gimmicky kidnapping stunts, shootings and paralysis to stimulate plot points in soaps. So were we ever surprised when GH
delivered a heart racing and nail biting kidnapping scene with GH's Courtney!
We held our collectives breaths
as she was whisked away by leather clad hooligans who 'napped her in broad daylight. Oh my goodness! What are they going to
do with Courtney? Will she survive this brazen and disgusting kidnapping attempt? Help Courtney! Soon we sighed collective
relief when discovering that a cleverly disguised Coleman quickly notified Jason of her plight.
Kudos to Alicia L. Willis for her
marveled performance as a tied up damsel, adding just the right subtly to her hogtied scenes. Most stunning was a eccentric
70's style handkerchief graced upon her blinded eyes. (See Shop the Soaps Item: Courtney's Kidnapping
Hankie, 15.95)
Our hearts broke along with Courtney
when we discovered that these mean 'nappers were going to leave her in a well-equipped cabin with a roaring fire for warmth.
At least she had the comfort of a macramé knit blanket that was obviously tweedled by the homeowners in the 70's. (See Shop the Soaps Item: Courtney's Macramé Escape Blanket, $21.95)
When Jason arrived, we cheered along
with Courtney. Bring on the love! Trauma is easily soothed with some nookie and a cookie. Those 2.5 minutes of soap viewing
easily surpassed any other dramatic moment on GH this week, including Jax dumping Brenda at the altar, her leaving and Carly
being date raped. (See Shop the Soap Item: Carly's Roofies, All Natural and Easy to Swallow, $59.95
a bottle.)
Here's hoping that this spring will
give us more pulse-racing Journey scenes. After all it's not the destination, it's
the Journey. And we are
buckled in!!
Word
Association with Steve Burton!
GH
heartthrob Steve Burton is never at a loss for words when he discusses issues with POD.
So we were thrilled when he agreed to share additional candid thoughts with our staff. It's Word Association-- Steve Burton
style!
POD:
Alright Steve. I'll say the word. You tell me the first thing that comes to your mind.
Steve
B: 'Kay. I'm ready.
ABC
SuperSoap Weekend: "Supersized fans"
Liz
Webber:"Major loser."
The Bike Shop:"Fire! Fire! Fire!"
Jonathan
Jackson:"Jesus Freak."
Lisa
Vultaggio: "Juggers."
Genie
Francis: "Boring."
Boxers:"Hit people."
Briefs: "...cases."
ABC:"Is STUPID."
TV's
The Bachelorette:"Whore."
Joe Millionaire:"Easily identifiable."
Babies: "Overrated."
Rainbows: "Are stupid."
Vanessa: "Loud."
Spaghetti: "Best in a can."
Ballet:"I would never wear tights."
Tara
Reid: "Heh...heh..."
John
and Jane Jax:"Seal clubbers."
Holidays:"Why bother?"
Girls:"Go make me dinner!"
Boys: "Rule."
Beer:"Funnel."
Jackie
Zeman:"Jug, jug juggers!!!"
Autographs: "Are stupid."
Love
Scenes: "Unnecessary."
Burt
Bacharach:"What?"
Costars:"Stink."
Dogs:"Cool."
Zora:"Bora"
Sarah:"Brown?"
Brian
Frons:"Who?"
Michael
Jackson: "Bobo"
Once
again, we would like to thank Steve Burton for joining us this week to offer his always interesting and sometimes controversial
opinions ! That's it for now!
That's
Just "My Baby Daddys"
This
week Carly Corinthos finds out that she and her husband are finally expecting, but the question is Who's Baby
will they be welcoming into the Corinthos Den of Horrors? Last week Dueling Donut Eaters
Jenna and Eve reviewed Ric and Carly's night of roofie-induced passion (Carly's Roofies, All
Natural and Easy to Swallow, $59.95 a bottle, available in easily digestible gel caps,)
leaving Ric as father possibility no. 2. Various reports reveal that there may be more than two chefs responsible for this
particular bun in the oven.
"Last week Carly and Sonny had a
cabin getaway weekend to procreate since she was ovulating," says Corinthos doorman, Rocco Ricardo. He clarifies his extensive
inside knowledge, "Jason talks a lot and well--EVERYBODY knew it was, ya know...TIME." POD
asked Rocco to tell us everything he knows about mystery daddy no. 3. "Johnny helped the Mrs. with her
bags. I know Johnny and he's ALL HANDS, just ask anyone he's shared an elevator with. That's why I took over. Jason's ticklish.
That baby is SO Johnny's." POD was unable to locate Johnny for comment;
he was probably too busy sexing skanky Carly.
There was nothing innocent about
Carly's trip to the cabin. POD interviewed several gas attendants, squeegee
freelancers, and highway workmen. Apparently Sonny and Carly made several pit stops for various convenience food items and
bathroom breaks; Carly had ample opportunity to make any number of passing vagrants and local residents that baby's father.
However, if you think this upsets skanky Carly fans, you better think again.
Says GotMyRougeOn
via the 'net, "I'm just so proud of Carly! She HAD all those men, and this baby is living proof of
that. I just imagine everyones lil' swimmers in there, all fightin' n stuff to that finish line."POD discovered that the whole fan base is atwitter with the news and have started sending
gifts and care packages.
"They're really excited and planning
ahead. Of course Carly doesn't take care of her own children, so the fans have taken to sending baby gear to Leticia. She
got a diaper genie last week! Lettie was thrilled. Tears, the whole thing," responds actress Tamarah Brain over Carly fans'
Baby Fever. As for who she hopes is Daddy, "Gosh, ten fingers, ten toes, that's my mantra."
~POD/POW:The Polls~
This Week's Poll:
Tell
us which unlucky man is most likely to find himself "Daddy" to the latest offspring of Skanky Carly!
Last Week's Poll
Results
of last week's Roll Your Own Poll: POD tallied your top incest blends and the winners are:
Lucky and Summer
31%
Carly and Luke
28%
Emily and Jason
31%
Bobbie should
be with BOTH Carly and Lucas 23%
Sonny should
be with Both Courtney and Mike 29%
*Several categories
reached the millions in votes. While POD realizes the passion and enthusiasm for pairing up these related duos, it is only
possible to do one relative at a time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Back Issues of The Digesting Donut Eaters' POD/POW:
